April 23, 2024
Tuesday
My dearest friend,
How are you? It’s been a while since we’ve made time to catch up. So, I thought I’ll write you letters & keep you updated about what’s been going on in my life. I’ll start with this story which is about a minor accident we met a few years ago.
“Choose not to be harmed – and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed and you haven’t been.”
–M.A.
One afternoon about five years ago – we were driving on our way to a mall. As my husband was halfway through going up the entrance ramp, a loud thud jolted us out of nowhere, sounds of glasses shattering deafened us, our car still shaking from the collision, and the air suddenly feeling heavy & woozy.
I immediately asked everyone in the car if they were okay & made sure that no one was physically hurt. It was a split second, but that moment felt longer than it was- it felt like I was zooming in on time & seeing every little detail clearly. My husband who was driving our old Hyundai i10 then, as well as my cousin who was in the backseat, were both stunned. We were all shocked, but we figured that the sound came from the right rear. As I glanced at my cousin – I knew she was prepared to question the person who hit us. So, I asked them to stay in the car first & as I hurriedly went out, I saw a man who was struggling to get up with his motorcycle weighing him down on the ground. He failed to slow down despite seeing us turn – the reason was still unknown at this point.
“It’s all in how you perceive it. You’re in control.”
–M.A.
At that moment, I saw how his eyes were ready to defend himself or fight about what transpired; his face & his body were stiff with tension. But what I immediately saw was how his fingers had some cuts, his hand red with blood. The first words I spoke were “Okay lang po ba kayo?” [Are you alright?] It was the only humane thing to be for me at the moment – I felt nothing else but compassion. I saw that he was in pain; that he didn’t like the accident; and that his wounds needed some attention. So, I quickly grabbed both his hands and arms and checked if there were any deep cuts. As I glanced back at him – I witnessed how his eyes began to soften – no longer was the aggression visible in his face, he wasn’t stiff anymore, he calmed down as soon as he realized we were not furious like he probably expected.
“To be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved and the raging of the sea falls still around it.”
–M.A.
Once I knew his situation better, I called my husband & my cousin to help me attend to his wounds. My husband quickly got out his handkerchief & my cousin had some alcohol; my cousin cleaned his wounds then wrapped it with cloth to help stop the bleeding. We then asked him to remove his helmet so he could breathe better. The mall guards were surrounding us at this point & all we requested from them was a first aid kit for the rider.
When everyone was feeling a bit better, we finally asked the rider what happened. It turns out he fell asleep while riding so he didn’t see us at all. We asked him to rest first before he drives again & just like that, we parted ways. We didn’t demand for any apology nor compensation despite our rear brake lights & blinkers completely shattered & the rear bumper dented; despite that year being one of our toughest years.
“Give yourself a gift: the present moment.”
–M.A.
We experience so many things in our lives & I feel that each moment present us with a choice about who we want to be & how we want to live. I find it magical how we get to decide who we are tomorrow with our decisions today. On that day, I decided to remain grateful – to be appreciative of the fact that we were all unharmed; and to always give someone the benefit of the doubt, to always give a someone a chance.
Anyhow, after we successfully parked our car, we went straight to my favourite local fast-food chain, talked about what happened, how we felt & laughed it off.
“People exist for one another. You can instruct or endure them.”
–M.A.
Most of the time, there’s no need to be right or start & win an argument or prove something. Sometimes, asking someone if they’re okay is good enough. When we humbly reach out to others, we allow ourselves to make a connection & have a real conversation with someone.
Have you asked someone lately about how they are feeling? If they’re okay or if something’s bothering them? Have you sat beside someone & listened as they cry about how painful their wounds are?
Write me back about how you’ve been, I’ll wait for your stories too. And yes, you’re right, M.A. is Marcus Aurelius. 🙂
Coffee soon?
Anne